Oh Dear God, Don’t Sit On the Pineapple!!

Posted by on May 2, 2012

You are about to be the first to find out.

I’m dumping Bob.

He’s just not hot anymore.

I admit that I have been rough on him lately – using him around the clock, over and over. I suppose I had to expect him to just get tired and stop responding the way I need him to. He was there to listen to me, to agree with me and even comfort me. He made each day seem clear – vivid…giving me the energy I needed to make it through most days…

“Mommy, you should get one of those one-cup-at-a-time coffeemakers,” Daughter #4 – the six year old, decided when I griped about the old one (Bob).

“Are you insane?” Daughter #2, scoffed at her sister, “have you ever watched Mommy drink coffee?”

“She could have a fresh cup everytime.”

“She drinks bowlfuls – she would have to make two of those little things to equal one cup. She would go insane waiting for each cup.” Ahhh….my children know me so well.

I was cutting the top off a pineapple and looking around for a bowl (NOT one of my coffee cups) to fill with water and stick it in so we could grow it. Daughter #1, my thirteen year old brought over a bowl and left it out of my way on a kitchen chair. I shoved six toothpicks into the firm flesh of the fruit and carefully set it into the bowl.

As I cut up the juicy yellow flesh into chunks, the girls crowded me, devouring it like a school of piranha – “Mmmm….tastes like summer,” my three year old jumped up and down clapping her hands and disappeared.

She reappeared in a second dressed in her sister’s bathing suit (backwards and inside out) and a pair of fairy wings. She danced and twirled, blond curls bouncing happily everywhere.

I should have seen it coming. I should have done something to prevent it – but, in any event, it happened. She ricocheted off the refrigerator and landed directly on top of the pineapple cutting with all her weight, just as I heard my voice raise above the loud deafening chatter – “OH DEAR GOD, DON’T SIT ON THE PINEAPPLE!!”


So, on my agenda today – mopping the ocean of water off my floor, getting a sexy new coffeemaker and soothing a smarting tushy…




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3 Responses to Oh Dear God, Don’t Sit On the Pineapple!!

  1. Marta

    Ouch! Can’t say I’ve ever sat on a pineapple…. or would ever want to.

  2. Deni Lyn

    Love it! I’m sorry about your coffee maker. . .and the pineapple rump! But it’s still very comical. And your daughter, could she be any cuter in her inside out swimsuit and fairy wings?!

  3. Orlando Uy

    your blog is an enjoyable read. I love the humor and it also gives me insight into what’s going on in my wife’s mind. Thank you.

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